you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
