He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
