pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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