I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
