I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
