I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
