I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Send help, water and tortillas.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
