watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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