And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
