If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
