Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
