I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
