i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
