Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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