Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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