he wants to bone in the snuggie
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
