Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
