boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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