Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
