Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
