toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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