I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
