ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sorry about my life...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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