:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
