Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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