This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
