he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
