Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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