when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
