After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
