k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
this hospital has no fireball
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
