did you get engaged???
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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