They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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