you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
