Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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