she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
