I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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