And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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