Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His hands were made for my vagina.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
