I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
