just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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