You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
