What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
