i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
