you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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