Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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