I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
