Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
