everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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