So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
