I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
