mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
