the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
