You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
