I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
