You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
