I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The adults are the big ones right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
