3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Randomize
